I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
