don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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