This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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