Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
