Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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