you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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