is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
