Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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