omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
