It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
