i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
