Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
