We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
