im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
