never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
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Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
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He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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