Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
