you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
