I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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