her vagina looked like bernie madoff
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
