so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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