can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
