I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
