Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just found puke in my bra..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
