I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
