I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this will be a night to untag.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
