Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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