You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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