he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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