I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
