im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
