I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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