You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
