What a fucking waste of an outfit
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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