Don't you send me to vm
i don't like sucking hair
I'm jealous of your bromance
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
