Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
