3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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