My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
