Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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