I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
