how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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