I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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