I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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