why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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