I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
