So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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