Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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