What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i think my cat just said my name.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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