Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
