I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
