chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize