why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
