I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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