I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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