can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
