Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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