I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize