dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
