ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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