so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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