"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
