I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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